The Big Hurt by Erika Schickel – Review

In August 2021, a book was released about James Ellroy and many readers of this website will have already read it. No, I’m not talking about Love Me Fierce in Danger: The Life of James Ellroy. That was published eighteen months later by Bloomsbury, and you should definitely buy and read a copy of it by the way. The book I am referring to is Erika Schickel’s The Big Hurt: A Memoir which concerns, among other matters, her turbulent love affair with James Ellroy.

As this website is predominantly about James Ellroy, some readers may be surprised that I didn’t review the book at the time of publication. Well actually I did, as Ellroy’s biographer I had the nerve-wracking task of telling him about everything that was in the book. But now that some time has passed, I feel I can review the book in a more traditional sense. The book upset some Ellroy fans and understandably so. It’s probably every person’s worst nightmare to have an ex-partner write a book about them. However, having read the book numerous times and very carefully, my assessment of it might surprise you. Not only do I think this is a fine memoir, but it’s possible that many Ellroy readers will enjoy it as well.

Firstly, Erika’s relationship with Ellroy comprises a memorable but relatively small portion of the text. It’s used mostly to bookend the main narrative, which concerns Erika’s upbringing, her relationship with her parents (film critic Richard Schickel and novelist Julia Whedon), and her attendance at the prestigious Buxton School which came to an abrupt end after school officials discovered she was having an affair with a teacher. These sections of the book are very pleasurable to read. Erika unfolds them at a leisurely pace. There are many delightful period details (she becomes a fan of Top of the Pops while living in England), and plenty of moments that feel ripped from the pages of a DH Lawrence novel. For instance, Erika’s married teacher initiates their affair by taking her out to some meadows and telling her, ‘I am in torment’. The overall tone is one of melancholy, however. The strain of living up to the expectations of famous parents, who go through their own messy divorce, and the hypocrisy of life at an elite school all makes for compelling reading. Erika’s portrayal of Buxton is not flattering. Students are practically encouraged to have sex with each other, and the school turns a blind eye to them having affairs with teachers. Why, then, was Erika made an example of for her transgressions?

There are probably some readers who want to skip these sections to get to the scandalous details of Erika’s affair with Ellroy. They won’t be disappointed, but despite some candid moments this is more of a love story than a scandal rag expose. Erika never once blames Ellroy for the woes that befall her. She is blunt about his flaws but she is also generous about his many qualities. Erika and Ellroy meet at the LA Times Festival of Books and he tells her he’s writing a memoir titled The Big Hurt (which was subsequently retitled The Hilliker Curse, a book far more damaging to Ellroy’s reputation than this one). Over the next couple of years Erika loses her husband, her friends and her relationship with her daughters comes under strain, all because of the overwhelming sexual attraction between her and the Demon Dog. This perhaps, is the greatest strength and also biggest flaw of the book. It starts off sensual and erotic, but by the end you feel worn down by the constant sex and the emotional price tag attached. That, perhaps is the biggest hurt of all.